Story Time! Worth- A Moment of Transparency
“You are born worthy, you are born with um- that sort of seed, DNA seed that tells you, that you can, you can transform your life.”- Viola Davis
“You are born worthy, you are born with um- that sort of seed, DNA seed that tells you, that you can, you can transform your life.”
This verbatim statement was given by Viola Davis earlier this month from an interview on Lights on Women, The Podcast presented by L’Oréal Paris. Through speeches, interviews, and social media posts, Viola has spoken on one’s intrinsic worth many times through the past few years. My personal favorite quote is from a 2018 Net-A-Porter video on YouTube, Viola Davis on Being Worthy.
“You're born with worthiness. You don't have to hustle for it. There's no prerequisites to it. There's no bartering for it. You're born with it as soon as you come out of the womb. You're worth it.”
What I like to tell myself as a culmination of Viola’s declarations is:
“There’s Nothing You Have To Do For Worth! You don’t have to hustle or barter for it! You are born with it!”
It was important these statements of worth are read just as repeatedly as they were written. For those who are doubtful, hopefully by the third read it begins to flicker a resonance.
As a child I had a completely different notion of what worth was. I believed it was something I had to prove to others. That my “worth” was predicated on how well and how often I could rise above the social, economic and environmental statistics society had in store for someone from my background-
A young inner-city Black girl from a single parent household living below the federal poverty level.
Growing up as a “have not”, individuals more oft than not were authentically themselves. As a result, I was exposed to individuals who had no qualms with treating you with disrespect when they believed your lack of money and status, warranted them to treat you as, “less than”.
I was also exposed to individuals who would treat me differently once they identified something about me they considered of value to them and by extension society. For example, getting good grades, liking musicals, writing poetry.
So, I held firm to the belief, the more I pursued society’s standards of excellence the more I could prove I was the exception, avoiding rejection, thereby granting me access to the proverbial, “even playing field.” It was only there I believed I had better opportunity to garner praise and accolades.
Achieving this felt good for a time…but like Glorilla said, “at the end of the day, the day gotta end.”
Cause once that girl becomes a woman her narrative changes. Now she is a Black woman who has risen out of poverty, holds advanced degrees, with a portfolio which reflects the amazing & unique experiences she’s been a part of. No longer is her life a societal struggle but a societal privilege.
But what of her worth? What happened to it?
Nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
It took me a long time to comprehend no amount of external validation would ever make me feel worthy internally. In the same respect lack of external validation has no bearing on one’s individual worth. In complete transparency I still work on this.
The need for external validation would show up in unexpected ways, through my personal life and professional career. The circumstances differed, but actions and thought processes were the same, if I could show the entity (person, employer) that I was worthy, in turn they will give me the validation I seek (love, promotion).
Or if I did receive the validation from the entity, it was not enough because I-Myself didn’t feel worthy enough.
What I failed to understand about worth at the time was it does not decrease, increase, contract, expand, thin, condense, rise, or fall. Worth does not go anywhere. It is always there. You simply must embrace it.
There is a line in a poem I wrote a long ago, which I recently realized I am no longer aligned with;
For once you've released all that is vital to the unworthy, the hardest step to take in reclaiming your dignity is forgiving yourself.
Now, I would alter it slightly to,
For once you've released all that is vital cause you feel unworthy, the first step to take in reclaiming your dignity is forgiving yourself.
For a while now I have been on what I call a, Personal Journey of the Acceptance of Me.
(Quirky Right?)
In this journey I have explored Love, Grace, Kindness and now Worth.
From the start, I had to get acquainted with forgiveness of others and especially myself. For times I knew better and the painful times I did not. It has not been perfect; I have gotten sidetracked and had to regroup aplenty. Yet I have faith this journey is not in vain, and I am in fact- Worthy.
In case no one has told you-
You Are Worthy Too 💙
